Week 1 — Inventory without shame
Bring the event list you would rather hide. We mark duplicates, screen-title names, and properties that nobody owns.
Flagship · nine weeks
Cohort Intelligence for Product Leads
A room for people who already have a warehouse and still cannot answer who came back. You will leave with one working cohort board, a marked event map, and a defence you can give without opening a vendor.
What you will be able to do
Outcomes
- Cut a live product by week of first meaningful action, not by install day alone.
- Keep anonymous, logged-in, and reinstall identities in separate drawers until a written rule joins them.
- Present a retention curve that a designer and a finance partner can both restate.
- Retire at least two events that currently inflate a success metric.
What this will not do
A real limit
We do not teach you to become a warehouse engineer. If nobody on your side can export a CSV or run a basic query, the board will stall. iOS ATT and SKAN appear as caveats, not as a full measurement-partner course. Teams wanting only a naming workshop should look at Signal Desk rather than this nine-week room.
Modules
Nine weeks on the bench
Week 2 — Identity drawers
Tokens, logins, family devices, and the lie of a single user_id. Written join rules only.
Week 3 — First value, spoken aloud
Define the action that means the product did its job. If the room cannot agree, the cohort has no start.
Week 4 — Arrival weeks
Build the grid: acquisition week against return. Hand-drawn before any BI tool is opened.
Week 5 — Quiet return
Resurrection, dormancy, and the difference between churned and bored. A short clinic on notification noise.
Week 6 — Release cuts
Which version actually moved a cohort. We refuse to credit a launch that only moved a vanity DAU.
Week 7 — The board
Your live product, one surface, numbers you can defend. Tutors mark the places that still wobble.
Week 8 — Translation hour
Restate the board for design, engineering, and finance. If any version needs a footnote, it is not ready.
Week 9 — Defence
A visiting operator who has not seen your app. Public critique inside the room. Recorded only with consent.
Tutor
Priya Menon
Priya spent twelve years inside consumer apps, six of them arguing with growth decks that treated installs as people. She holds the house catalogue and teaches identity with a patience that students sometimes find inconvenient. She lives in the United Kingdom and still marks event cards by hand.
Fee
£4,180 for one seat
Informational only — there is no payment on this page. The fee covers live seminars, written critique, and two years on the alumni letter. VAT may apply under United Kingdom rules; the desk will say so on the invoice. See enrolment for Signal Desk and Grid Residency.
Request a seatQuestions we actually hear
FAQ
Do I need SQL?
Enough to pull a table or to sit beside someone who can. The room will not teach warehouse modelling. If that is the gap, say so in your note and we may suggest waiting.
Is this tool-specific?
No. Students arrive with Amplitude, Mixpanel, BigQuery, and spreadsheets. We care about definitions. Vendors change; a sloppy event name follows you.
What if I miss a seminar?
You may watch a recording if the room consented that week. Catch-up is not a substitute for the defence in week nine.
Where does this fall short?
We are light on paid-media machinery and on deep mobile engineering. Attribution Without Guesswork is the better room if your pain is SKAN. This programme will frustrate you if you wanted a certificate and a slide template rather than a marked-up dictionary.
“Week two on identity drawers was the part I almost skipped. It later stopped us merging two household members into a single power user.”
★★★★☆
“The board is still on our wall. I wanted more time on ATT; Priya’s notes admit that limit instead of pretending the house covers measurement partners.”